From a Momma Bear

2013.  Oh, you’ve been eventful.  So much has changed — not much remains untouched by your presence.  One thing uncontrolled by your rapidity — yet, altered still: my momma-bear love for my little ones.

My boys have grown so; even my Connor in his short little life.  Gabe’s laugh continues to fill a room and Con’s lovely smile brightens dreary days — both little bodies warming our hearts and providing a constant reminder of what an enchanted, and sometimes monotonous, love really is.  I so love, and envy, their growth; for they see things in a way I’ve long since forgotten.

But this momma bear sees more than just their childlike innocence; I am not blind to the chaos and utter sleeplessness that little ones can bring.  Hardly.  I have been brought to complete agitation by disappointing news and pre-k hardships.  Left in zombie-like conditions by 3 o’clock feedings and teething pains.  Brought to my knees and sometimes bewildered laughter by incidental growing pains felt by parent and child alike.  No, I am not ignorant of these things.  I am all too aware.  But coupled with these sometimes back-breaking moments of sheer chaos and backwards steps are the wonderful and enlightening learned mobility I see in my kids.  And those, truly, make every sleepless night and heartache dissipate — even if just for a moment.

Oh, though I love my little ones, this year has not been without its frustrations.  I have growled and snarled; been the gruffest of momma’s.  I have not always been patient, nor have I consistently been kind.  I have misunderstood; I’ve snapped when instead I should have clung to.  But nevertheless, this old momma bear, even in her snarliest of ways, loves the little ones that I am privileged to call my own.

Upon entering 2014, we look to new beginnings, trials and errors.  Hopeful that this year brings forth good news and revelations.  And in hindsight, I hope we remember the good of the Old.  To sweet union, new life, and delightful hopes and dreams — we say Happy New Year and God Bless.

And to you gruff momma bears out there — Cheers.

Finally Coming Around

In years past I have resolved to never make New Years resolutions.  I haven’t since my freshman year of high school, in fact.  That has GOT to be the longest held resolution ever, and I’ve chosen to finally break it.  So here it is January 10th, and I have finally got my list (yes, list… I’m making up for lost time) of resolutions.  Get ready for it, ’cause here we go.  We’ll be starting with a gimme:

1. I resolve to lose weight.  I know everybody & their momma makes this resolution year after year… but I mean it.  I have a one year old who moves at super sonic speeds & I’d like to be able to keep up with him.  So my plan for 2011 is to lose the 60 lbs that I packed on during pregnancy.  I haven’t been this heavy since, well, freshman year – high school.  Size 10 jeans here I come!

2. I resolve to be nicer.  I know, I know… “But Sarah!  You’re amazing!”  I know I am… thanks. 😉  Nah, seriously.  More often than not (especially lately) I have been Miss Crabbypants and have been taking everyone’s head off.  Or wanting to, anyway.  I’ll be genuinely pleasant at the end of the year.  Hopefully.

3. I’m going to try my hardest to grow a pair.  Honestly.  I am a wonder in that I am SPINELESS.  I have never been able to handle controversy the way most adults can, and I hate it.  This lack-of-spine-osis makes me cower when I should be able to stand up and defend myself… and my child.  This year, I will grow a spine… and, as previously stated, a pair.

4. I have always had trust issues.  You know that “exercise” in which people fall back on their partner, causing the partner to (ideally) catch the other?  Yeah.  TOTALLY have never been able to do that.  So I resolve to be more trusting.  Not naïve… just trusting.  Of all my “resolutions”, this is the least likely to happen.

5. I resolve to be more trustWORTHY.

6. I resolve to be a better mom.  More patient.  More understanding that my child is only one year old and is still learning… and will be for a LOOONG time.  I’m learning, still, too.  Maybe we can both learn together.

7. I resolve to take my school work more seriously.  I passed this semester with a B, but that was by the grace of God alone.  My nose will be buried in books from January 18th to May… whenever the last day is.

8. I’m SUCH a kid when it comes to greens.  Unless it’s broccoli or green beans, I will not eat it.  Peas… spinach… avocado… blech.  Take it away from me!  But I promise to give the green family a chance.  Maybe.

9. I resolve to put to an end my incessant road rage.  You can bet that the minute I get into a car, rage is in tow.  This includes, but is not limited to, “buggy driving” at Wal-Mart.  If you know me, you know that the only thing I hate worse than driving in traffic is Wal-Mart.  People talking the aisles.. catching up on “the latest”, being constantly rammed with a buggy, random kids popping up from outta nowhere (parents nowhere to be seen), etc.  I HATE WAL-MART.  But, I promise to be a better sport and not get (quite as) angry.  Until I get out of the store.. and into my car. 🙂

10. I have kinda sorta not really been working on my book since school let out in early December.  So far I have one rough draft and two pages of notes.  In short, I got nothin’.  So I promise to really work on my book and hope to God that I’ll have something to show by the summer.

and lastly…

11. Come hail or high water, I am going to find my way around a sewing machine.  There are a couple of projects (to add to the list) that I’m interested in starting.  But first I need to A) Buy a sewing machine, and B) Figure it out.

That’s quite a list I’ve got, there.  Fingers crossed that I can get even half of it done.  In other news, this weekend went by in a flash – of course.  Weekends are always a blur.  Wasn’t bad though.  I got some cuddle time in with Gabe that he NEVER allows…. it was nice.  This morning I was late, of course, and was nearly run off the road by a Hospice van (go figure).  But I am here, unscathed, and the day has progressed quickly. 🙂  One of my resolutions was to eat more greens… tried spinach for lunch.  Eh.  I won’t be having that again.   I started my diet today, too!  I’m really excited about it and hope to do really well.  Diets have never really worked for me, but lets get real here… do they really work for anyone?  But I am in this to lose, so lose I shall!  Until later, guys… have a great Monday.