Baby Proof? Nah. Adult Proof.

Baby Proof? Nah. Adult Proof.

Dumb baby gates.

You’ve probably noticed that I use a lot of Baby Blues strips in my posts.  That, my friends, is because finally — after years of reading the comic– I finally relate to Darryl & Wanda.

And I feel for them.  Seriously.  ‘Cause I’ve only got one…. and they’ve got three (dun dun dunnnn).

When Gabe started crawling, I started baby proofing.  I got pretty cocky, too.  “Gabe will NEVER be able to scale the baby fence” or, “Gabe won’t be able to open the fridge now!” used to be regular comments of mine.  I got played, y’all.  I got played BIG TIME.  And the folks at Safety 1st are laughing at me all the way to the bank.

First of all, Gabe figured out how to scale the gate pretty quickly.  While I was having trouble even wedging it into the door, he was jumping it like it was a rain puddle (slight exaggeration).

The oven lock?  That lasted all of 24 hours.  It got stuck in the oven while we were cooking.  Needless to say, oven lock fought the good fight… but it got torched in the end.

Fridge lock?  Chyeah, right.  I’m just short of putting that thing on a padlock.  Not only did Gabe figure out how to open it, he peeled it off the fridge and made it his millionth play thing.  Fart.

And cabinet locks?!  Don’t even get me started!  I put one on.  ONE.  I never remembered it was there, and I’d always about rip the friggin’ thing off when I’d go to get Windex.. or whatever.

And it wouldn’t matter if I remembered that they’re right there, anyway.  Because Gabe, my 3 foot tall Einstein, figures everything out.  He can get around anything, guys.  Anything.  So far my son has scaled: a window in his room, the kitchen table, the back of the couch, his high chair tray (which he very nearly jumped off of in what I can only imagine was a temporary Super Man phase), etc., etc.  Nothing scares him.  He tackles it like a linebacker.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve nearly busted my butt while trying to cross over the damn baby gate.  I was wearing a dress & heels while trying to cross over it once… that almost didn’t happen.  Right now he’s figuring out his car seat which scares the crap out of me.  One day I’ll look back & he’ll just be looking out the window… the next I’ll look back and, “Oh look!  Gabe’s running beside the car!  Wait…. WHAT?!”  Yep.  I see many a ticket coming to momma because of him.  The first time he pulls that stunt, I’ll come back at him with duct tape.  I mean, I hate to be all redneck about it… but I’ve nearly got him to 2 years old.  And he’s really doing well with potty training.  I’m not quite ready for him to go skydiving from my backseat window.  Just sayin’.

But if anyone has any toddler proofing tips, swing ’em my way.  Not that there are any.  But you know.  In case there are…

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