My pastor has struggled with illness recently. After being in the hospital for about eight days, he was able to return to church yesterday morning. Bro. Webb preached what turned out to be one of the most simple, yet most profound, sermons I’ve heard in ages.
He has wrestled with kidney failure lately and is hardly well; although to see him yesterday you wouldn’t really know it. He’ll have to give up his farm and everything else he does that requires a lot of him. Even still, his faith remains unshaken.
His situation reminds me of my own about two years ago. Most of you know I struggled with PPD when Gabe was born, and did so for about a year & a half. Here we are, very nearly two years later, and we’re fine. It is amazing to me how during our hardest times we cling to God. Not always — more often than not I’ve run from him. There again, never in my life have I ever faced anything like postpartum depression. I found the only thing I could do was fall face first into Him. It’s in my nature to get angry and run from the problem. Thankfully, although I did initially run from the truth, I ended in Him — and because of it, all ended well. It was a long, hard battle.. but I made it.
I have a few friends who are struggling right now with their own lives. Coming from experience, albeit different, I have to say that in even in our bleakest hours, God is here. He is in the mountains & the valleys of our lives. Admittedly, when I sat up for hours on end terrified that I could do harm to Gabe, the furthest thing from my mind was “God’s got this”. I had to make myself say it, and eventually I believed. But He is here. I look at myself, sometimes, and wonder how I got to this place. With all my twists & turns in this life I shouldn’t even be alive. Not only am I very much alive, but I am beyond blessed. I don’t know the reasons and I don’t know where I’m going. But I believe that God’s very much in control, and that anywhere He will lead me is where I’ll belong. Right now, I’m a momma. I’m a student.. I’m a friend.. I’m a daughter. There are days it just doesn’t seem like enough, and there are days it seems like too much. But for the moment, I remain content.
My boy will be two in less than a week. The time has flown, and I have loved watching every moment of his life so far. We’ve already crossed over our own mountains & valleys together… I look forward to so many more.