“She Didn’t Post That Chain Letter — I’ll Smite Her,” Said God Never.

“She Didn’t Post That Chain Letter — I’ll Smite Her,” Said God Never.

It’s been a week full of “GOD LOVES YOU!  …if you don’t re-post this you’ll DIE, bitch, DIE!” on Facebook.  I’ve been tempted to deactivate my account several times because of all those posts… but we all know I won’t because I’m lame and have insomnia & what the hell else is there to do at two in the morning besides Facebookin’ (or Pinterest) it?

But for serious, y’all.  Every time I log into Facebook I’m bombarded with “If you don’t post this, God will send the plague” posts, and I mean.. come on.  Locust plagues are so 4,000 years ago.  And I’m pretty sure that God’s not checking my Facebook page every five (I know.. how dare He?!).  I’m not trying to be disrespectful.  Really, I’m not.  And I know the simple remedy for this is either:

A) Unsubscribe from said posts or
B) Delete my Facebook account.

The more ADULT thing to do is…

C) Be an adult and suck it up and/or
D) All of the above.

But I haven’t written a post in a while that’s dripping with audacity, so I’m gonna whine & moan a bit about the ridiculousness that is Facebook, and if you don’t like it you can do as the Romans do & select an option from the lists above.

Anyway.  I’m all for expressing one’s religious views on social media sites.  No, really.  It is, after all, social media and that’s pretty much what it’s for.  Connecting with others you know, and some that you don’t, and finding common or uncommon ground to discuss.  Right?  That’s predominantly what it is used for these days, at any rate.  So, fine.  You want to express your love for whatever deity or religion you claim?  Fine.  I can either agree with it or not and move on.  Expressing a view doesn’t phase me… in fact, I kind of like reading everyone’s angle.  So long as it’s not crazy offensive or TyP3d LyK3 dIs I can deal with it.  Because that’s what these websites are for… whether it be asserting one’s beliefs or just used as a way to keep in touch, it’s media.  Entertainment.  Yadda yadda.

But these chain letters that are a mile long?  These chain letters that give my little HP mini heart attacks?  The chain letters from the girl I just saw at the Stop-n-Go buying crack?  Yeah.  Those hafta stop.  I used to love them myself.

You know.

When I was eight.

But enough is enough, and my not re-posting obnoxious, poorly written bathroom reading material will not predetermine my mother’s death and it won’t cause God to smite me.  So, there.

While we’re on the subject Facebook posts… this little rant does not include clip art, etc. that is used as a memorial for someone who has passed (hovering angels, etc.).  I’ve never done it myself, but there is something mildly comforting about a post that’s not about the person posting it (provided said post is in good taste).

But in all seriousness, and all snarkiness put aside, I can almost see the point in the “Re-post this if God’s blessed you…” chains.  Almost.  But if you truly believe that God’s gonna take you out because you haven’t re-submitted a Facebook post… well bless your heart, you’ve been sorely misinformed.  A chain letter isn’t your ticket to the Heavens anymore than a fifty cents off coupon for Febreeze will land you in the Bahamas.  These chain letters are based solely off superstition.  Just like breaking that mirror isn’t going to impose seven years bad luck on you, a chain letter won’t save or end you.  So please.  For the love of God & the Bahamas, quit with the chain letters.  Or I’LL smite you.


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