August on My Mind

August on My Mind

This Mother’s Day I am being hurdled through a wave of emotions.  I am overwhelmed by so much — just as we all are.  I am especially overcome, however, with the seemingly accelerated on-coming of August.

August, Sarah?  Really?  Yeah.  Really.

August, because my oldest will start “big boy” school.
August, because he’ll be four.
August, because that is his biggest step towards independence.
August, because he’ll need me less and less.

August, because we’ll be celebrating a new life in Connor.
August, because as one child lets loose, another will cling.
August, because my two greatest blessings and challenges will be on my heart and mind endlessly  — as if they’re not already.

August will be the closing and beginning of chapters.

Any other time the days would roll by as slow as molasses.  But now?  They hurdle through time at suffocating speeds.

I say all of this as if it were awful.  Honestly, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited.  I most certainly am.  These “chapters” — they are phenomenal advancements in my life.  Truly beautiful little lights that I swore I’d never possess; amazing adventures that I will get to watch unfold.  And now, here I sit, captivated.  Taken by all the good that has swept me up in nearly four years.  Frustrated — and yet, smitten with my life.

And it is still so overwhelming.  Such a curious thing.  Yet, I know as bewildering as it all seems now… come the fall it will just be a vivid memory.  Bittersweet in it’s very essence.

I am ready to have both of my boys in my arms — regardless of time’s terrifying rapidity.  Ready to see the only two little souls that have shared my heartbeat.  And, yes, ready for my August time fears to dissipate.  Ready to see the three loves in my life — all at once — that let me know this life is worth living and giving.

This Mother’s Day I am overcome with a medley of feelings, yes.  Both satisfying and excruciating.  But I have been given a life I have never deserved because of the lives I, too, have given.  And, truly, I am blessed to feel this way.  I feel these things, all of these things, because I am a momma.  And there is nothing in this world I’d take to replace its intensity.

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