I am quite certain that my recent quips of annual Christmas insanity were a bit hasty. I am absolutely positive that they would not be now. It would seem that a large portion of Alexandria forgot that Christmas is tomorrow over the course of the weekend. It is so maddening, in fact, that even I have been affected by the chaos — and I’ve long since finished everything on my list. Take the other day, for instance. I needed a few things for some last-minute baking. I went to Wal-Mart, as it is closest (and most deadly), with my ten item list, expecting to be out in thirty minutes or so. An hour and 45 freakishly long minutes later, I had 4 of ten items on my list, a splitting headache, and an urge to slam the nearest Bah-Humbug spirited person into aisle seven. So crippling was my frustration and confusion, that I left my buggy in an aisle I don’t even recall wandering down and took off with someone else’s — the contents of which I can only assume (and pray) was for an ugly Christmas sweater party. But I’ve skipped ahead. So allow me to rewind.
Prior to losing my buggy and my mind, I had cut off (what I assumed was) a woman in the canned food section. I honestly didn’t mean to, as I did not see her there. Nevertheless, I did. And she accepted my apology with an ever gracious, “Ex-cah-uuuuse you!” Now, if you know me at all you know that phrase infuriates me. It ignites my rage with the fires of hell. So from that point forward, it was game on. We ran into each other several times after our initial encounter, each more challenging than the next. After about an hour I realized just how ridiculous I was being and made it a point to avoid the other. I was on my way out and evidently stopped to look at something I didn’t need as I did not eventually check out with it. Without realizing, I grabbed another shopper’s cart and made my way to the front check out lanes. I bent down to get a Coke, and upon looking into my buggy noticed that the afore-mentioned ugly Christmas sweater party items were not that of my own. Immediately and irrationally I began to look for that woman. She just so happened to be behind me for a moment in the lanes, and in my tired and paranoid state just knew she had taken off with my buggy. I looked everywhere, high and low. I even called Evan to let him know that he might need to come bail me out and then BAM. Right there, in the card section. A place I don’t even recall walking down. I shamefully grabbed my cart and headed back to the checkout lane, making quite sure that the contents were, in fact, mine. I shook my head all the way home, mortified that I had been bitten by the Christmas Bah Humbug Bug.
The moral of this story? Even those of us so obnoxiously consumed in Christmas festivities lose our cool from time to time. And also, before you throw-down in the dairy aisle, make sure you didn’t misplace your buggy, as it is doubtful anyone would jack a shopping cart.
Happy Christmas Eve..